My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
