i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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