capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
