I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
