I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
