Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
