my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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