btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we made out on top of his cat.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
