My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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