you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
