I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
