we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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