Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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