my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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