Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
