the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
