His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
