opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
