Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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