A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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