Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
