my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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