At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
