I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
