Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
