he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
