Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
