I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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