the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
