I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
