my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
