do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
