I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
