you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
