He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
