Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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