whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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