I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
