Umm I'm too high to move.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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