in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's like heaven, but drunker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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