Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think a kid would responsible me up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
