So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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