I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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