The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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