I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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