I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
