so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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