I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
