haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
