I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
