I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
