Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
