You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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