Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
