hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
